A lot has happened

I think I'm more messed up than I have ever been. Failing three classes minimum. I'm utterly unmotivated for anything in life except becoming a designer. I want nothing more than to sleep, eat, sew and read. 

Then again I wanted my life to be like Rodgers and Hammerstein's Cinderella.

I think for the most part I want to live in a fantasy world where grades don't matter and to become what you yearn for is just a matter of pages. I'm not going to say I'm going to write all my dreams on paper and turn it into a book. I'm failing english. I'd rather read for pleasure and not for analyzation. I don't want to be graded for fragments and run ons. I don't want to be graded on my ideas and interpretations.

Before my rambling I just wanted to say this, I'm a failure and I've accepted it, and that's my problem.

I want to be something amazing, but where I am now, will get me no where in life. If you think about it, besides math and grammar, what's the point of science if you don't want to be a scientist. what's the point of history if all I want is to live in the present. 

My favourite quote of the moment is this : " Man is born free, but everywhere he is in chains" by jean jacques rouseau. 

Its the only quote I find that makes me think. we ARE born free but we're always slave to some higher power, no matter how obscure the power can be. and no matter how high and mighty one may think they are, they are as much a slave as the person on the streets or working a crap job at mcdonalds.There is a higher power who makes us do everything we do. even fail.