here's a change. let me talk religion...

where to start? I guess I should begin on my background to where I am now and move on from there.

I've been brought up in a devout catholic family, and I considered myself to be a devout catholic. In my mind i would become a nun at one point and devote my life to god. Since then I've had a "roller coaster" type ride with faith.
I was content to where I was up until confirmation. this is where my surroundings helped to make me want to be a better christian. I hated the people that were in my group. peers that had no real system of belief and just wanted to fuck around. I reached out to a community that actually cared for faith and what it had to offer.
But after everything, I still felt unsatisfied with what I was learning what these people were telling me. Slowly but surely, I lost faith.

This is where I'm at now. Not a theist but not an atheist. I don't believe in religion because I always seem to find my beliefs are conflicting with the ideals of religions. But I also don't deny the fact that there is a higher power, because who am I to say if there is or isn't one. I'm always wondering, if there is one and if he does care.
Also I've always felt as if the redeemer was just a scapegoat for all people who don't want to take responsibility for their actions. that's all I have to say about that.

So continuing on about whatever I'm rambling about. I've admired religion in the sense that it brings community, and consistency to life. I admit that since I have lost faith my life lacks consistency and I do miss the community that came along with religion.

So where do i go from here? Do I try and find a God in my life? or do I abandon faith completely?