Something

there's something bout' this time of year that makes me melancholy. It could be the weather or the constant darkness that I see from day to day. But all I know is that I've lost all motivation. It's day's like these that I would just like to sleep in my bed for as long as possible or even worse, never waking up. 

which brings me to my next topic of discussion.

I'm not one to think of suicide or death (although most people assume otherwise.) I want to die in the prime of my life, not old and forgotten. I want to die like I lived my life, straight and fast. That probably doesn't make sense to someone reading this but I'll explain don't worry. I've always felt as if life were just one blur. I guess, to put it in an analogy I've been living my life as if it were in the fast lane on the highway. I've come to the point where I don't remember what happened yesterday and tomorrow will be almost identical. I don't even dream anymore. every night is just a black space.

I guess it's the weather making me feel this way, and creating this vibe that is unwanted. But it'll pass.