Friday, July 9, 2010

I feel terrible for wanting him to feel terrible.

he kind of deserves it though. we've been together for 9 months and He stood me up. I'm mad at him. and I really don't think there is anyway around what he's done. He's apologized, but I don't think it's enough this time. it's one thing to not answer calls or texts, but it's another to keep me waiting,thinking,hoping he'd show up. it breaks my heart. it really does. and as much as I would like to tell him these things, I won't. because I don't want him to be torn inside for his mistake. At least, I don't want him to be torn because I told him it hurt me. I want him to be torn knowing he fucked up big time.
i didn't think I would ever have to go through this kind of pain again. silly me to believe it.
Now I'm wishing that he's wide awake in bed torturing himself for forgetting. wishing he could turn back time and remember.
I've cried myself to sleep knowing that day by day I'm losing him. knowing he won't last in my life. it's killing me. tearing me apart. I want him to feel my pain. my breaking heart.