And I thought I was done with such silly fantasies.

So it's definitely infatuation as of right now, but I have fallen for him. And I know he's just a flirt, and he says the same things to everyone. For once I wanted to be the apple of his eyes, the apple of someone's eye. I guess I'll have to live, hoping he's as true as I tried to be.

what I'm scared for.

the future.
realizing we were never really friends.
realizing who you really are.
why you keep secrets now.
what happened to us.
knowing that it was me to blame.
knowing things will never be the same.
living.
knowing I'm already dead.
figuring out all the knots that tied me you just to know we fell apart without them.
knowing I'm a wreck without someone by my side
knowing my mother will not always be with me on my side.
being alone.
knowing I'm alone.
being depressed.
becoming suicidal.
becoming addicted to you name it.
wondering why I haven't found him
wondering why I live while millions die.
wondering what kind of world I live in
wondering what people think.
wondering why people kill.
wondering why I can't see the stars at night
wondering why I can never breathe when I'm around you.
knowing that from now until the day I die I'll be wondering.