I guess I feel more obligated to write here now.

Since greatestjournal's DB has gone off and died I'm here to write more of my mind.
could I be of a Jane Eyre type of person, who is passionate with words but introverted physically?,probably not. but to think of why someone would really have a blog must have some Jane Eyre in their blood. I think I'm over men and women, and the whole cat and mouse game of trying to win someone's heart that is obviously not interested. So I'll just sit hear and listen to all the people that still believe in this child's play of love.

There has been something on my mind that has really bothered me in that past few days.

So many cd stores have been going out of business because of the internet, and I bet you're thinking "Audrey what has the internet done to make these stores go out of business?"
and here's why...

• The world has become soo lazy that it's tedious to go out to a store and but a cd
• you can buy individual songs and cds without tax

Here's why it's better to buy cds

• tangibility: Think about it, so many artists put a lot of effort in creating booklets that expresses the cd in a new way, and holding it in your hands you can feel as if you're participating in something amazing
• think about Y2K. go on: how many people were absolutely freaked out about all the computers of the world to just shut down, huh? This could happen at any year, any month, any day, any hour, any minute. Sure you could go of and back up all the songs you've downloaded, but wouldn't it just be easier to buy the cd and be done with it.
  
• this ties in with the second point: my computer before has expectantly had complete wash outs of all my files of music, thousands of songs literally gone from my possession. This helped me to learn to just buy a cd and be glad that if my computer dies on me I'll still have cds to fall back on.

Alright, well my thoughts aren't as complete as I wanted them to be, my brain just feels like a piece of jello right now, but hopefully you've gotten the point.

again with my complete circle.

He's to amazing for me to think about. I've tried so hard to think of someone more tangible, but he's just the guy I've always looked for.

His new album is amazing, totally blew me in a different path. less malicious, more reflective. It was definitely growth from the last, and the weird thing is, that since their last album my music taste has shifted to more of classic rock more than the plain old vaudeville, and indie rock, and when I buy this album, expecting something different yet the same (if that makes sense),I was pleasantly surprised that it's more "folk" rock and more of the Beatles as an influence.

All the better to love it in my opinion.

So back to that subject of my music tastes changing.

I actually am more interested in classic rock (as I've said before). I'm more interested in the Beatles, and the Who(just to name a few). I mean, I still love indie and all, but I tend to be more inspired by ,for example, the Beatles, more than, again for example, Emery.

Alright, well I'm off to save the world.

yet again.

Audrey

It's funny, I've gone a complete circle.

I'm back to my old whereabouts and I'm back to loving up GRR. To be honest, I never really stopped, but side tracked none the less. he's still always on my mind. I can't wait till we meet for real. The only person standing between us is his girlfriend, KC. oh well, he already said he'd marry me in the end. ahahaha.

I say we were made for each other. just like the Jack's Mannequin song. 

Infatuation, the death of me.

Why must I always be infatuated with a person, it's insane, it'll probably make me a madman(or woman in this case). I don't know what it is but I fall for one guy end up liking his brother... I know, so mature, you're just dying to say "oh Audrey, you're so shallow, you're so immature. when will you ever grow up?" well news flash, I am in no hurry to grow up to be some phony. 

When I look around at somebody obviously lying their way through life, it makes me feel depressed as hell. I mean they aren't happy and they just want to do their own goddamn thing. It just depresses me so much

But I'm starting to sound a bit like Holden Caufield to be honest. I better stop while I still can.

Anyways, with this infatuation, I'm "infatuated" with this boy, but he "loves" another girl. And now I feel as if his brother, which is 20, is more of a guy I would like. hm, I think this whole ordeal of me being isolated from boys is getting to my head and I can make up a fake life in my head. I must admit, I can be pretty phony.

A Bit of Everything.

So I was one of the lucky girls at the Gibson Amphitheater when the Jonas Brothers came there. and I was even luckier to be one of the girls that won the raffle. That was one crazy day considering there were 1000+ girls there, and some hardcore boys there too. I'm psyched about it.

In other news I found out today that I have a chance of having type 1 diabetes. My great aunt has it apparently so I'm all woah about it because my mom told me it was hereditary. yeah. something else I have to worry about.

anyways, back to the Jonas Brothers.

It's weird, I've never had my hands sweat and shake, or had my stomach churn, knowing they were there. Who knows what my emotions are telling me. 

Another boy I lost...

this was in november-december of 2006.

His name was John and that's as much as I remember of his name. I knew him for about a week before I blocked him. His screen name was faraway2880 but I'm not sure exactly if the number is right. 

He was sweet, but probably a bit too forward. I remember him telling me that all these positive things happening to him since the first time he talked to me. It was nice at first talking to him, and then a bit irritating. he would talk to me at 1am and be the first one to talk to me whenever I signed on, and then there was this poem, which he wrote a few days after we first talked and to my knowing it may have been about me but it might not. I remember reading it and it said he would run away to me and he didn't care about our age difference, and I remember him talking about running away from his 'craphole' and coming to me. I was flattered but kinda scared he might turn into a stalker. 

I ended talking to him by ignoring him. I knew I hurt his feelings by not talking to him, and, to be honest, in the end I think I think about him more than he will ever think of me again.  He deleted all his accounts under that screenname and now I can't apologize for what I had done. I bet we could've been really good friends. If anything, I would like to have another conversation with him (kinda like jack).

I wonder what I would say.

There was someone I once knew, well sorta knew.

his name was, I think Zaine, yes now I remember, his name was Zaine but I called him Jack, and his last name was Fox. I first talked to him on this forum called simpleplanrox, although I doubt he was really ever a fan of them. I felt special when I first talked to him, keeping in mind I was about 12 or 13 , I remember how we would actually have fights over who had more xs before we had to say goodbye, and how I had a seal that I called Jack, in honor of him. I think he was the first person I actually loved, even though, he was homosexual. we grew apart up to the point where I wouldn't actually talk to him because he was interested into talking to someone else. 

I kinda wonder what kind of person I would be if I still talked to him, or what we would actually talk about.

I kinda miss him.

I just remembered a conversation I had with him, he was telling me something about a back problem and he was getting surgery for it. 

and then there was this time he asked about my religion, He asked if he was pushing me away by asking my religion, and I said it didn't but after thinking about it, I think it did. 

But anyways, I'd like to talk to him, just to see if would be like talking to an old friend or if it would be an awkward conversation like ex lovers. I don't know what I'd want actually. 

It'd kinda suck if he forgot who I was, or even worse, if he hated me now. 

I guess I'll never really know.